Love or domination

Of all the forms of love, altruistic love is the hardest. It is where you do not judge the one you love. However, the human mind has been conditioned for centuries by people who do not understood your real needs. Why would they even bother to try to understand you? Such people primarily cared about themselves (just like most of us), and presumably they were looking for something else. I assume that they feel that they have succeeded very well in what they were doing.

As long as we are not able to fulfil our basic needs, we keep trying to find something. The moment that you make that first move towards somebody, you can’t know if that person will accept you or reject you. How can you be certain that this other person is going to say yes or no to your needs and to your desires? Perhaps he or she is only looking for something to fulfil his or her own needs, just like so many of the rest of us.

It may be that they are looking for a way to use people, to dominate them. The easiest way to do so, is by trying to create a guilty conscience. Once a feeling of guilt has been instilled (“why did you not answer to my message”, why can’t you make me happy”, “why didn’t you invite me for some coffee”, “why are you being so selfish”, “you just don’t know to give pleasure / orgasms / life / happiness”), that person will dominate you in many ways, by this or that, in your life, in marriage, in relationships, on Facebook, Twitter, instagram, e-mail, text messages, demands for phone calls, WhatsApp messages, kik, and so on … and you try to make them happy. But this is not possible. In the end, you will be dominated by many persons. You will find your energy, your vital force, sucked out of you by dominating and insecure attention lovers, who might have been rejected by their mother or father since early childhood, by persons who should be able to solve their own problems without taking advantage of others. As for the persons suffering from a feeling of guilt, they never feel at ease with themselves. They lack self-confidence. They feel that they are wrong and they seek out a leader. Perhaps it is some church, someone who can guide them. Perhaps it is a tantric coach, a meditation teacher, a guru, someone who promises mindfulness and the fulfilment promised by yoga. Persons suffering from a feeling of guilt feel a vague and unanswered basic need that has to be satisfied in order for their mind to evolve.

In a BDSM relationship, quite often the person who wants to be dominated by a domina or master does not really know what domination is, and is perhaps only looking for some love and attention that is missing from his or her life. When this happens, that person may try to twist the relationship around by trying to “top from the bottom”, which in effect means that he or she tries to be the dominant one. The basic behavioural pattern of such a dominating slave includes seeking of attention in many different ways, accompanied by disappointment when he or she is not getting it. Such a slave may also send a detailed fantasy script to the domina or master, and is unhappy when the pleasure does not materialize in the way that he or she wanted or excepted. He or she is left unhappy in being deprived of the attention that he thought he or she deserved, and is counting everything in the value of money.

In an equal relationship, where the goal is not to be dominated or to dominate, such behaviour is an early signal of poor communication, and of an unhealthy relationship lacking in confidence and trust. That, in turn, leads to an unsatisfying sex life with a lack of presence and pleasure. How could we be able to meet the needs of the other person, if we never bother to listen to what those needs are? Or how on earth could we ever be able to speak about our own needs, if we never stop running around and instead try to listen to what our own body is telling us, about what we really like and how we wish to be treated?

So what then is good life, good sex, good BDSM, a good relationship, love, friendship? It is something that felt good already before it started, it felt good while it lasted, and it still feels good even if for some reason it has ended. 

I am looking for persons who aren’t afraid of speaking in public about sex, who can speak English, Swedish and Finnish and have deeper and wider experiences in their sex life than the average Joe (an “average Joe” is one who only fucks around, because he doesn’t understand that there’s something better out there). In addition, the persons I am looking for have experience with one or more of the following:

* ecstatic orgasms (and I mean out-of-body experiences which last longer than a few minutes)* sexual trauma* Peyronie’s disease (possibly accompanied by erectile dysfunction)* vulvodynia* impotence* asexuality* paralysis* Master* Slave* near-death experience (out-of-body experiences).

Please contact me only by email. For this purpose, I do not use the phone, social media, messenger and other such forms of communication.

If you have difficulties in understanding the context above, stay tuned … and wait. 

Something is coming soon that will open your mind and provide you with the capacity to understand.